Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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