So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
When did angry sex become our thing?
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
