How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
