Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
