She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
So much Jack, so little girl.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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