please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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