Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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