Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
