Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
