I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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