but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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