if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
