i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
