if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
he's gonorrhea incarnate
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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