yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
