Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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