Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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