If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
