i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
you made out with another girl for some wings
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize