New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
