Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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