Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
