Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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