you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
There's even glitter on my cock...
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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