i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize