New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
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