You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
