my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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