Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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