My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
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