Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
