If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
