dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
