Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Randomize
