checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
