drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
