I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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