In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
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