I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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