Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
