the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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