i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
