I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
