We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
