I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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