i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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