At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
