apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
My liver just had a heart attack.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
