He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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