This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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