See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
