I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
