My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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