Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
