At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
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