The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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