Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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