You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
