If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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