Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
