Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
