I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize