He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Randomize
