I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize