i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
