my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
