and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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