Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
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