im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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