We won't sleep together?
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Randomize
