i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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