morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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