The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
