It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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