I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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