I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize