Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
420 ftw
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Randomize
