I will die if light touches me.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize