I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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