I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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