Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
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