New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
