do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
