I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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