Do you still have your period?
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
