I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize