So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
