I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
