I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
