JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
