He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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