I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
