I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
