apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
