My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Randomize
