i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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