dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I think people are normalizing furries
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
