i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
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