420 ftw
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
