Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize