well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
