Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
