I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
