I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
