I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
