lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
