...so i touched it.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
