im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
