I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
