I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
People with herpes should wear stickers.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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