I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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