so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
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