my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize