They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Randomize