i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
