i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
